Last week was a very tough, hard week. My family had to say goodbye to my Aunt Barb, who after a two year battle with pancreatic cancer, finally found peace.
My aunt was like a second mother to me- she was always there, for me. Always. Through the little things, and the big things. There were many times we shared a look, trying not to laugh. Times when I was so afraid or angry and she was there for me. She was there for my parent’s divorce when I was eight, when I was dropped off to college my freshman year; when I got married, when I had Wyatt. The looks she would give me when she thought I said something outrageous which was probably a few times a month. I tried to be there for her too as much as I could. Through her first brush with cancer when I was in high school, to times when she was scared or mad or nervous too. And times we would just laugh together, like when I tried to teach her how to use the internet to online shop. She volunteered in the school library I worked in, and since I called her Aunt Barb, so did all of the little kids. If you knew me, you also knew my Aunt Barb.
So this week has been tough. I didn’t get much reading done. Reading is always such an escape for me, but I find there are times I can’t lose myself in a book, times of grief or high stress. Times I wish I could! I would wander about my home, picking up this book or that, reading a page or two then putting it back down. Trying a different book later, doing the same thing. Reading books that I would never pick up usually. Or books that are not super involved, no plot to focus on. I read from a book of Mary Oliver’s poems, and some of her essays from another book, Upstream. I read from a book called Smudgings and Blessings; I flipped through my seed catalogs, and magazines.
I didn’t get much reading done, but I did hear so many stories this week. Old stories and new stories, about my aunt in more recent months, about my aunt as a child, a young woman, about when she was a new mother. We did a lot of crying, but we also did a lot of laughing. Smiling through our tears as we looked at old pictures.
This week, I have a lot to do. Cleaning and grocery shopping, finishing up the details for Wyatt’s birthday party in a few weeks, working on some new ideas. Our full moon dinner is on Tuesday, and I think this one will be just me and my guys. Maybe next month we will celebrate with family again. And I’ll probably find my reading mojo somewhere in there too.