Last week was a very tough, hard week. My family had to say goodbye to my Aunt Barb, who after a two year battle with pancreatic cancer, finally found peace.
My aunt was like a second mother to me- she was always there, for me. Always. Through the little things, and the big things. There were many times we shared a look, trying not to laugh. Times when I was so afraid or angry and she was there for me. She was there for my parent’s divorce when I was eight, when I was dropped off to college my freshman year; when I got married, when I had Wyatt. The looks she would give me when she thought I said something outrageous which was probably a few times a month. I tried to be there for her too as much as I could. Through her first brush with cancer when I was in high school, to times when she was scared or mad or nervous too. And times we would just laugh together, like when I tried to teach her how to use the internet to online shop. She volunteered in the school library I worked in, and since I called her Aunt Barb, so did all of the little kids. If you knew me, you also knew my Aunt Barb.
So this week has been tough. I didn’t get much reading done. Reading is always such an escape for me, but I find there are times I can’t lose myself in a book, times of grief or high stress. Times I wish I could! I would wander about my home, picking up this book or that, reading a page or two then putting it back down. Trying a different book later, doing the same thing. Reading books that I would never pick up usually. Or books that are not super involved, no plot to focus on. I read from a book of Mary Oliver’s poems, and some of her essays from another book, Upstream. I read from a book called Smudgings and Blessings; I flipped through my seed catalogs, and magazines.
I didn’t get much reading done, but I did hear so many stories this week. Old stories and new stories, about my aunt in more recent months, about my aunt as a child, a young woman, about when she was a new mother. We did a lot of crying, but we also did a lot of laughing. Smiling through our tears as we looked at old pictures.
This week, I have a lot to do. Cleaning and grocery shopping, finishing up the details for Wyatt’s birthday party in a few weeks, working on some new ideas. Our full moon dinner is on Tuesday, and I think this one will be just me and my guys. Maybe next month we will celebrate with family again. And I’ll probably find my reading mojo somewhere in there too.
Still Life, With Cracker Crumbs.. 
So sorry about your loss of Aunt Barb. I had an aunt like that, and she also passed away from pancreatic cancer….several years ago, but the empty hole in my life is still there.
You’re right…nothing fills that hole. Eventually reading helps.
I hope you have a good week, and here are MY WEEKLY UPDATES
LikeLike
I am so sorry to hear about your aunt as well. And you are right, they leave a hole that will be there forever. Right now I am keeping myself busy running around and checking things off a list, it is working until my brain is settled enough to read.
Thank you for your words.
LikeLike
I’m so so so sorry to hear that. I know words don’t mean much, and I know there’s nothing I say that will help. But I really am sorry, and I wish I could hug you. I hope this week is a little better.
Ash @ JennRenee Read
LikeLike
Thank you so much for your kind words!
LikeLike
I’m so sorry to hear about your Aunt Barb. All my best wishes to you guys and your family.
LikeLike
Thank you Greg.
LikeLike
I couldn’t have said it any better sister. It’s hard to put to words the feeling of someone so totally getting you , and having your back no matter what the circumstances and the profound sense of the loss of that person. Life goes on. Without her. Which feels wrong, and shitty.. But all the memories, stories and strength she will continue to impart will go on as well.
LikeLike
Thanks my brother. It doesn’t feel right at all, does it. One day it will be easier. She won’t be forgotten, but the pain will be less intense.
LikeLike
A wonderful tribute to your Aunt Barb. I am sorry for your loss.
LikeLike
She was an amazing lady. Thank you Nise.
LikeLike
I’m so, so sorry for your loss, Erin.
LikeLike
Thank you Jen. She was a one of the best.
LikeLike
I’m sorry for your loss. Hugs. You do whatever you feel like doing; that’s okay.
LikeLike
Thanks Stefanie. 🙂
LikeLike
Oh no, I’m so sorry to hear of your loss Erin. Your love for your aunt shines through in these touching words.
LikeLike
Thanks Jade. She was a very important and special person in my life.
LikeLike