My mom passed away last Tuesday. She was calm and peaceful, and I was holding her hand. And my heart broke into a million pieces.
The night before, my brother and I spent the night in her room with her, mom in her bed, and Devin and I squished onto our own individual loveseats. Feet to feet, and we would sit up and talk and it was like we were in a boat. As I lay there, I thought about how the three of us were always together, and it seemed fitting that we were that night as well, all three of us together. I wondered as well when the last time the three of us had slept like that. A vacation when we were kids, maybe? My brother and I would try to sleep, and then we would talk, and then laugh at times because of something one of us would do, because if Billy calls me Calamity because of what I get myself into sometimes, then my brother is Calamity 2.0. I would say only my brother and I could have mishaps on such a night, but we apparently have followed in the footsteps of my mom and aunt Barb, who were also Calamity and Calamity 2.0.
And I am rambling.
I can’t say too much else, because I am made of tears right now. I do laundry, I cry. I make dinner, I cry. I cry in the shower. I cry in stores while shopping.
I will say everyone in my life has been very supportive and kind, and even those who I haven’t talked to in years and years having been sharing bits and pieces with me, small memories of my mom, things I didn’t remember or sometimes didn’t know. And it has been helping me, hearing these stories. I am also overwhelmed by the number of people who have commented and messaged me; my mother touched so many lives, in her quiet ways. So even while I am crying enough to fill the Great Lakes over again, I am also being buoyed up by those around me and online. I have very good friends and family, near and far. I am blessed in that way.
And I can’t write anymore today, but I will be back when I have healed a little. Thank you to all of you too, for your kind comments of support over the past few weeks.
