Keeping Busy

Hello everyone. I have been keeping busy over here, but with plenty of quiet times in between too.

I find I get really anxious antsy around dinner and afterwards, because that was when I went to my mom’s almost everyday. So last week Billy kept me busy, taking us on rides. One ride in particular was beautiful, the metropark at twilight. It was all muggy out and everything was just so overgrown and lush and green. Wading birds and deer were in the marshes eating, swallows were winging their way through the air catching their dinner, and it was just peaceful.

We also had dinner that night at the A&W near the metropark. I don’t know if this is just a Michigan place, but it’s a drive up restaurant like in old movies, and honestly I don’t think the restaurants have changed much here since they were built 50 + years ago. It is a bit of nostalgia every time we go and is always a summer bucket list item. This time Wyatt tried his first frosty mug of root beer too, which was an experience. He wasn’t sure if he liked it or not at first, but ended up really liking it. These mugs were huge and Wyatt and I didn’t finish ours but it was the perfect cold drink needed for the humid evening.

My friend Kelly has also been telling me for months that I needed to go to the reptile show that is held every month nearby. I felt like it was finally time. She goes every month, and while I don’t think I will do that, I may go again. I was very proud of myself for not bringing home a new friend! I think had we not been going all the way out to my dad’s right after (he lives 90 minutes away) for the day I may have but, I am giving myself credit here. So many adorable babies there! Vietnamese Mossy frogs, Dumpy frogs, DORMICE – these almost got me but I was unprepared for them and I had no idea what they needed. Baby turtles and albino garter snakes. Jumping spiders, dart frogs. Seriously, there was so much there.

Wyatt and I finally ventured back to the library. I knew it would be tough. I just have so many memories there with my mom when I was younger, with Wyatt and my mom. But, I needed a few books and so did Wyatt so I went. And I was right, I did cry but I am learning that it is ok.

Since I am having a hard time finding a book that is grabbing me, I did a book walk browse through the stacks, just grabbing everything that looked interesting. And if these don’t work, I will try again. I will say though, that like 80% (completely random made up statistic) of the books I picked up the blurb started with “After her mother passed away” or some variation. I think it goes to show just how important our moms are, that this is a topic in so many books. Middle grade, YA, adult fiction. It didn’t matter.

Last night I started Grief is Love, and I thought I would cry but I didn’t. So far I am finding the content to be soothing and validating. I also started That Which Feeds, but only read the author’s note at the beginning, which was fascinating and led me to wanting to read more. The author is native Hawaiian, and shares how there is a diaspora of Native Hawaiians due to being priced out of their homes. Billy’s grandmother, Malecca Kane, was Native Hawaiian, and so I try to read different histories, nonfiction and fiction, so that I can share it with Wyatt and have that lore for him.

Speaking of books, one of my friends dropped off a gift she rescued for me, along with some gooseberry jello, which was delicious. Aren’t these gorgeous? I also like that the writing style is unstuffy and stilted, and has almost poetic moments. “Sometimes in Turtle Mountain, in dead calm moonlight nights, each coyote gets up on his singing perch and pours out his loudest and finest notes.” These are also nice to flip through and a read a bit from at night.

I also got to take a nature walk alone the other day, and I feel like my mom was pebbling me with little trinkets along the way. I spotted a lone thistle, then a blue jay feather on the ground right in front of me, which I gathered up to bring home. I went off the path at one point, down a dry creek bed, and stumbled upon a rock someone had left on a mossy log, which I also pocketed. And finally, a weird mass of mushrooms that was not attractive but was very interesting. It could have been chicken of the woods but I left it alone.

I’ve also been working hard on school things, on planning for our upcoming Blackbirds meetings again, and working on other house related business. I want to paint our room without a name before school starts, I need to move one of my crested geckos to a new enclosure. We moved one already and she loves her new home. Unfortunately, now my two furry menaces love her in it too, as they can now see her more clearly. They have woken me up every night now around 2 am because I hear them trying to climb her terrarium, and I have to go chase them away. Applejack seems unfazed, and maybe even a bit taunting, as sometimes I find her at the bottom, on the glass within perfect eyesight of the cats. She doesn’t seem to care as they paw at the pane of glass separating them. Maybe she thinks they are friends. It won’t be as bad once I trim their claws and add more plants that hide Applejack this weekend.

And that is it from me today. I wish you all peace and love.

Talk to you all soon!

12 thoughts on “Keeping Busy

  1. I’m glad to see that you have such great support and you are surrounding yourself with so many beautiful things and experiences. I’m still so sorry, Erin. I hope you are finding peace as well. <3

  2. Oh, A & W! I don’t really like root beer, but I would drink it there just because of the mugs. I would order the child’s size just because the mugs were/are so cute. I should check to see if there are any near me. Your Billy is such a good person. I didn’t know he had a Native Hawaiian grandmother. I’m sure there’s a story there, and I hope you tell it someday. Hawaii is on my bucket list (along with many other places). I’m glad you’re finding some peace in different places and things. I am leaving it there because…well, just because.

    https://marshainthemiddle.com/

    1. We definitely need the child sizes next time! When these came out to the car I couldn’t believe how big they were. Lol. He is a good guy. Yes, isn’t that cool! That whole branch, his mom’s mother’s side is all Hawaiian with like one Irish woman thrown in. They have a distant cousin named Atomic Kane and apparently he was some sort of famousish football player. We would love to go there as well one day. And thank you Marsha.

  3. Billy sounds like a hero to me, and a thoughtful, wise one. Sometimes we need diversion for a bit. I used to think of it as “I don’t have a mom anymore” but somewhere along the way that changed to “I do have a mom, she just doesn’t live anywhere near where we can see each other. ” (But we talk all the time and her answers aren’t in words but in thoughts and surprises, like the blooms on your walk.) Biggest hugs, my friend.

    1. He is a very good guy.

      That is a good way to think of it. I have been having the “I don’t have a mom anymore” thoughts but I like the way you have framed it. I actually have a little story about that. The afternoon she passed away, I was walking into the house, having that exact thought, when I heard a cardinal chirp. I turned around to look for it and one flew so low right over my head and then up over the house.

      Thank you Jeanie.

  4. Ahhhh…A&W drive in wins the nostalgia award of the day! I’m old enough to remember many date nights at A&W ❤️

    I called my mom every night at 8:30 and even after almost a year I still feel a twinge of “I need to call” or “did I forget to call?” It’s that time of night that the loudness of her absence hits me tha hardest. I have 96 yo aunt that I’ve started calling every Sunday night to fill that void a little.

    Yes, be careful with your reading. I happened to read This Book Made Me Think of You a couple of months after my mom died, and in it a young woman is grieving the death of her husband. I really appreciated how the author handled the grief and because it wasn’t a mother, I could relate to those parts. It’s not a sad book but it does deal with grief in a good way if that’s possible.

    I’m happy to hear about your supportive family.

    1. I loved going to A&W as a kid- it was such a novelty! Having it delivered to the car window, eating in the car! I am glad that my son finds it so fun too.

      Those routines get so engrained. I am glad that you have been calling your aunt, I am sure she loves hearing from you like that.

      It startled me to see how many books dealt with grief in some manner but it probably shouldn’t have. We all have hearts that have been hurt and are looking for peace.

      My family and friends have been wonderful.

  5. We have an A&W nearish to us but we’ve never been. It sounds like your family is trying to do their best to support you through this difficult time. I find keeping busy helps too.

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