Somewhere along the line I gravitated from night owl to early riser. This is late for me. I am usually tucked up in my bed about now, reading a book. Tonight though, I didn’t feel like reading.
Night time used to be my favorite time to sit outside, late when everyone else was sleeping, neighborhoods quiet except for the creaking of the crickets and the distant whoo-whoo of the trains that constantly run through our town. I’m not outside tonight, but curled up in my office chair, cats at my feet, Luna the leopard gecko sprawled out on her rock, Freddie the frog in his water bowl, Harry doing who knows what in his house in the other room. I can hear the crickets and the trains, the cars whooshing by on their way home or their way out to a party, a bar, to work.
I am content here in my home, with my child sleeping across the hall, Billy working in his office for a bit. There used to be a time I would have loved to be out and about, soaking up the night and hitting all the restaurants and staying out way too late. But now, I am about different things. My family and my animals and my plants, my books and my thoughts. I am happy. I know some people, friends of mine, who were in such a rush to be back to “normal”. And while I want some things to be back to the way they were, I don’t mind this new part of me that enjoys being home. I always have different projects going, books to be read, notebooks filled with ideas and lists of those books or shows to watch or topics to learn more about, things I want to try. We have embraced new patterns and routines, found joy in in the smaller everyday moments. Things that used to seem so important don’t anymore; activities I once merely poked about with I am now making much more time for.
Living slower. More deliberately. Isn’t that what Thoreau moved to the woods to do, live deliberately? To live on purpose, carefully. With intention. Not rush about to the point that we no longer are enjoying our lives, which I feel I may have done, just spinning wildly from one thing to the next. We may not have moved to the woods away from it all, but the past year and some months our lives were stripped bare, leaving plenty of time for re-evaluation for what we wanted to resume. For some, that does mean resuming it all over again, those who thrive on activity and crowds of people. But I have realized that never really served me or my soul. My soul has been ready for quiet. For enjoying slow times with my own little family, my parents, my brother and his wife and my niece. A few of my closest friends.
I am sure tomorrow morning I will read this and think to myself what a strange mood I was in when I wrote this. And maybe even feel embarrassed to have shared so much of my innermost thoughts. But this is where I am tonight, so I am going with it. And with that, I think I will get tucked in, to my book and my bed. Sweet dreams everyone.