Somewhere along the line I gravitated from night owl to early riser. This is late for me. I am usually tucked up in my bed about now, reading a book. Tonight though, I didn’t feel like reading.
Night time used to be my favorite time to sit outside, late when everyone else was sleeping, neighborhoods quiet except for the creaking of the crickets and the distant whoo-whoo of the trains that constantly run through our town. I’m not outside tonight, but curled up in my office chair, cats at my feet, Luna the leopard gecko sprawled out on her rock, Freddie the frog in his water bowl, Harry doing who knows what in his house in the other room. I can hear the crickets and the trains, the cars whooshing by on their way home or their way out to a party, a bar, to work.
I am content here in my home, with my child sleeping across the hall, Billy working in his office for a bit. There used to be a time I would have loved to be out and about, soaking up the night and hitting all the restaurants and staying out way too late. But now, I am about different things. My family and my animals and my plants, my books and my thoughts. I am happy. I know some people, friends of mine, who were in such a rush to be back to “normal”. And while I want some things to be back to the way they were, I don’t mind this new part of me that enjoys being home. I always have different projects going, books to be read, notebooks filled with ideas and lists of those books or shows to watch or topics to learn more about, things I want to try. We have embraced new patterns and routines, found joy in in the smaller everyday moments. Things that used to seem so important don’t anymore; activities I once merely poked about with I am now making much more time for.
Living slower. More deliberately. Isn’t that what Thoreau moved to the woods to do, live deliberately? To live on purpose, carefully. With intention. Not rush about to the point that we no longer are enjoying our lives, which I feel I may have done, just spinning wildly from one thing to the next. We may not have moved to the woods away from it all, but the past year and some months our lives were stripped bare, leaving plenty of time for re-evaluation for what we wanted to resume. For some, that does mean resuming it all over again, those who thrive on activity and crowds of people. But I have realized that never really served me or my soul. My soul has been ready for quiet. For enjoying slow times with my own little family, my parents, my brother and his wife and my niece. A few of my closest friends.
I am sure tomorrow morning I will read this and think to myself what a strange mood I was in when I wrote this. And maybe even feel embarrassed to have shared so much of my innermost thoughts. But this is where I am tonight, so I am going with it. And with that, I think I will get tucked in, to my book and my bed. Sweet dreams everyone.
Still Life, With Cracker Crumbs.. 
Oh I hope you keep this post! I love it! I can relate so much. It is true that our priorities or comforts shift as we get older. It isn’t always something like what we all went through these past 18 months that does it either. Sometimes it is just realizing what serves us better and makes our souls sing more. I was never someone who went out a lot or “partied” so to speak but I always felt like I had to work a lot to feel like my life was worth living.
Now I’d rather be more like you – finding peaceful projects to fill my time, as well as reading books, connecting with people in small ways, and exploring other hobbies I put on the back burner. Thank you for this reminder of what I need to be focused on and what I don’t.
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Thanks Lisa. I do feel a little weird! LOL. I will trust you that I don’t sound super strange.
I think that Billy and I have been moving this direction since Wyatt was born but the last year or so has given us the opportunity to really stand back and take away and add in. Like, this is what we have been wanting, we just needed to do it. To not give in to those feelings of should be doing this, should be doing that, like you said about working and you. I’ve settled in. And I am really loving it. 🙂
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Oh Erin, I love every word of this. Apart from the fact that it’s so beautifully written, I resonate with every single word as part of my experience, too. I notice that especially up north, where it is quieter by nature. But looking back at the past year, apart from some of the anxiety and worry about catching Covid, I have found it a wonderful, fulfilling year and really back to my core. I don’t want to go back to what it was before and I don’t think I will. You capture my thoughts and moods as though you were in my head.
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Yes! This past year has been hard in many ways, but.. also not. I found out things about myself. I had the time to stop and look around and really take stock. And learned what I wanted and decided that was what I was going to do, those things. And not the things that didn’t serve me. I am so glad that you enjoyed this post!! I was feeling insecure about it!
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Great post! It carried me into my inner thoughts, along with you, and everything resonated. Thinking about Thoreau and moving to the woods touched a part of me, too, even though I’ve never done that.
I wouldn’t want us to go back to the beginning of the Pandemic, but the way we had to spend more time in our interior world while isolated was a good side effect.
Being an introvert, anyway, I didn’t mind being indoors more.
Have a great weekend!
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Thanks Laurel-Rain! This past time has definitely given me a different lens with which to view the world, my own choices.
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