Hello everyone.
I am writing today with a much heavier heart than usual. My mother has been hospice since March when she had a stroke; on Wednesday we were told that my mother is starting to decline and shut down, and they gave us a short timeline.
It feels absolutely surreal, to imagine a world without my mom, the one of the two people who have been with me from the beginning, and really the only person from the very beginning. Wyatt mentioned something about fall the other day, and I thought to myself, my mom won’t be here in the fall. And this all just feels heart crushing.
It’s been pretty crazy, with all the back and forth running, between my mom and Wyatt and home. Worth it, but still crazy. I feel so tired but not tired.
She is in and out of things, and I have always teased her, and continued to do so even after her stroke, sometimes just to test her. And even now she is up to the challenge. I sat next to her today, told her I loved her, and that she was my favorite mom. She cracked her eyes open and looked at me and replied in her mom tone that she always uses when I do this that she “is my ONLY mom.” And I said, yes, yes, you are my only mom. My momma.
I find myself just sort of all over the place. Staring out the window, cleaning madly, trying to read, hanging out with my guys. And my cats. They sense something is up with me and if I am sitting I am covered in 1-3 cats at all times right now. Animals are such a gift, the way they love us.
And I am sorry for a sad post today. I process big feelings this way, and well, this is pretty darn big.
I did want to share one good thing that happened this week, because it was pretty amazing. Wyatt walked the most he has ever walked in his gait trainer on Tuesday, and he did it so easily and so well. Big steps, multiple steps at a time, I mean he was going for it. He was faster than normal, had more endurance and stamina than before. His therapist and I were blown away and just so excited! I am so proud of him. He has been working so so hard!!!
And that is it from me today folks. Peace and love to all of you.
🙏🙏🙏 prayers for comfort and endurance. Courage, Dear Heart. 💖
Thank you so much Carol. And I appreciated what you said in your email as well. 🙁
I am so sorry for everything you are going through right now <3 Your mother sounds like an amazing woman and its not fair anyone should have to go through this. At least the cats are there to comfort you! They for sure know something is going on and can be the best comfort.
Thank you. She really is.
Even though I’ve said things to you in private about all this I am sitting here sort of speechless. My heart aches for you. I’ve been struggling today not to cry when I think of you going through this – of her going through it all. I’m so glad for the precious moments you’ve had with her.
Thanks Lisa. And thank you for listening to me all week as well. I am sure I will be leaning on you in the upcoming days as well.
I’m so sorry, Erin. I know how difficult it is to deal with this and I’m thinking of you.
Thank you Cat.
Oh Erin, I am so sorry to read this. You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers.
Thank you Joanne.
Erin, I wish I had some sage words of advice for you. I don’t. My prayers are with you and your family (including the furry and scaly). A friend once said when his father passed, “I just wasn’t done with him yet.” And, I don’t think we ever are.
I was thrilled to see the video of Wyatt walking the other day. That young man is working his hardest!
https://marshainthemiddle.com/
I feel like I am walking around most of the time right now, in a fog. Like life is going on around me and I am not a part of it. Billy and my brother are making me take a day off today. I probably need it. We did hear from hospice yesterday that while she is transitioning she is not actively passing.
You said it about this being heart crushing. It’s one of the worst things, being helpless to make something right with a loved one. Hugs to you, Erin, and you remain in my thoughts. xo
Thank you for posting the video of Wyatt walking in that gait trainer. That’s fantastic!
Thank you Tina. I appreciate it.
And he is such a warrior child!
I’m so sorry I didn’t see this until now. Lots of love and strength to you. I know you have good people around you who will shore you up but also give you the strength you need. I was so impressed with Wyatt’s walking, he’s doing brilliantly.
Thank you Liz. I appreciate it. My friends and cousins and of course Billy have all been helping me through this time. 🙁
Thank you Liz! He is working so hard!
Oh Erin, sending you all the hugs and prayers <3 I can only imagine what you're feeling and processing, but I know the kitty snuggles are good medicine, and you've got a great partner in Billy helping you through.
Also: GO WYATT!!! 😀 That is so awesome, and I'm so excited for him!
Honestly the cats are really helping me. Animals are such a source of comfort, aren’t they? And of course Billy too. Lolol.
Thank you! He is kicking butt!!