Hello everyone. It ‘s been a crazy week and a half around here. I mentioned the other week that my mom wasn’t well and she had a diagnosis of an UTI. It turns out she also had a stroke, which we learned as her condition began to deteriorate instead of improve throughout the week. She has been in the hospital since Saturday night, and it has been a confusing, emotional, stressful time. I would like to see the adult in charge please?
Despite everything she has been going through, she is doing ok. The stroke affected her left side, and mainly the vision in that eye, and her arm. Her arm however seems to be doing better, and it seems as if her vision is as well. Before she wasn’t turning her head to the left at all, and now she will track me if I move around the room, from one side of the bed to the other. Yay for improvements!
I feel so guilty everyone. I am not able to be there all the time and I feel awful. But I have a son who is also medically complex who needs me as well. It is hard for my husband to get time off easily, and I am there as much as I can. This is such a very difficult situation for me- and I feel so bad. This is all just so hard.
I actually spent all morning this morning speaking to the hospital social worker, insurance, and the place where she lives, basically negotiating for care for my mother. I hate that this is our system. It is absolutely deplorable. However, I managed to get the best I could for her, with her resources and the hospital timeframe. I think I have a good plan in place and it gives my brother and I more time to research if this is the best option. We were told my mom needs long term care and was not recommended rehab, but also where she lives, she wasn’t receiving all those extra services, plus, they wanted to send her back today. Make it make sense people. She needs long term care but send her back to independent living? I managed to set everything up and they will discharge her tomorrow.
Needless to say, I am exhausted. After I visit my mom tonight, I am going to come home and take a dark shower, do some serious skin care, and crawl into my freshly made up bed for the remainder of the night. Maybe watch an old Brokenwood, have some tea.
This weekend I do have something fun lined up for Wyatt and his friends. Our little Blackbirds group is meeting at a local farm that is currently in the process of maple sugaring. So the kids will be able to see and participate in that process. The farm owner is a retired special education teacher as well, and she is very excited to be hosting our scouts.
We also had two birthday parties over the weekend, despite my mom’s hospitalization. It was not easy honestly, but we did it. I think they went well even with everything that was happening.
I am going to end here today, but I will be back to blogging again on the regular again soon, hopefully.
Take care of yourselves out there, and help others when you can!
Still Life, With Cracker Crumbs.. 
Oh I am so sorry to read this; I mean I’m glad your mom is doing better but dealing with healthcare can be SO hard these days. You are not the only one I’ve heard complaining about the “they need full time care but we’re going to send them home” rigamarole that just does not make any sense!
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Thanks Joanne. I was absolutely flabbergasted. And the hospital really didn’t care. They just wanted her out, it seemed like. One day after surgery, following a stroke – it is just such a business now. And they don’t even give families time to find that care. I had four hours until I put my foot down and told them not to discharge her, which the hospital was not happy about.
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You are correct, Erin. It’s deplorable how the medical options are so convoluted and you are certainly burning the candle at both ends trying to figure this out. Is your mom within driving distance? How about your brother?
Take your time with getting back to us as you have so much going on. Can’t believe they told you your mom needs full time care yet she can go home. Argh!
The trip to see sugar Maple process sounds fun and I bet the kids will loce it. Thinking of you and a fun packet is winging it’s way to you.
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Hi Tina. Thankfully my mom is close, within 10 minutes drive. My brother as well. Thank goodness.
That was absolutely insane to me. I told them they could not discharge as I had to make sure she had somewhere to go safely before she could leave. They didn’t like it but they listened. Apparently that is your right under Medicare/Medicaid. I had some woman call and tell me that in a very strange conversation before I heard from the social worker. I felt tipped off!
We had a great time. It was honestly such a good break for me too!
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Oh Erin, what a tough time. So difficult juggling your time. Sounds like you have come up with the best situation, against the odds. Hope your mother continues to make a good recovery, and thst you get some down time.
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Thank you Gail. It has been very stressful for all of us. I feel like today, finally, a little bit, I can take a breather.
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I hope you were able to indulge is a quiet evening/night of rest and self-care ❤ Sending all the prayers and virtual hugs! ❤
Sugar mapling sounds like a fabulous weekend outing, btw 😀
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Thank you Rebecca!!
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I’m very sorry your family has to deal with that. I’m glad for improvements and hope your mother will improve even more *hugs*
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Thank you Cat, I appreciate it!
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Oh Erin, this is a really tough one. I’m so sorry you are having to contend with the confusing and overlapping nightmares of hospitals, social workers, love, guilt, arrangements, insurance and more. You finitely show us one of the more challenging sides of the “sandwich generation” with a young one who needs specific attention and a mom in the hospital with major life changes in the offing. I suspect that if anyone understands what you can’t be at the hospital more often, it is your mom, who knows Wyatt’s needs, not to mention all the mechanics of managing the system.
I am glad to hear that she has improved (but send her home to independent?) and hope that continues. And, that you have found a solution for now. It may give you and your brother a little time to work through things — always especially hard when emotion runs high.
You take care, my friend. Enjoy the times with Wyatt that make you smile. Don’t worry about blogging unless that is a release for you, and do try to rest when you can. Biggest hugs.
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It has been very crazy and stressful. I am so upset about the state of our medical system and eldercare these days. I am in disbelief about some of the things I have learned, and wonder how they are even allowed.
Thank you Jeanie.
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I’m so sorry. It’s hard even here where we don’t have to pay for so much. As we haven’t been able to sell Matthew’s parents’ house yet, I am now paying for their eye-wateringly expensive care home for three months (I will get the money back when we sell the house). Matthew has had a mental health crisis over the whole thing and I am really wondering why are we now the adults???? So you have my enormous and heartfelt sympathies. Please try to do little things for yourself, as you are pulled every way.
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The costs are unbelievable to me. How these places can charge these prices – I don’t get it. I really don’t. It makes me ill. I don’t blame Matthew! I have had my problems with it as well, just sleepless nights wondering what will become of my poor mama.
And seriously? Who told these doctors I am in charge?
Thank you Liz.
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I am so sorry about your mom, Erin. Our medical system is just so strange. It seems like it takes four people to do one actual job anymore. With Mike’s hospitalizations, there have been hospitalists. OK…so what is your job? Shouldn’t it be to make sure we know all the options and how to do this or that? Honestly, I don’t know even though the guy was really nice. But, nice probably cost quite a few $$$$! That makes no sense at all to send her back to her independent living where she isn’t getting the care she needs. Again, our system is broken when things like this happen. Then, the finger pointing begins. It wasn’t my responsibility; it was yours…a vicious cycle for sure.
On to happier thoughts! My kids went to a sugar maple farm during the pre-school years. One year, the teachers had the parents (me being one of them) making pancakes so the kids could have that fresh maple syrup on pancakes. Then, they got smart, and had pancakes already made and just had to be warmed through somehow or other. I honestly don’t remember because those same kids are now all in their 40s…like how did that happen!
Enjoy your peace when and where you can find it. As everyone is now telling me, if you’re not in good shape, how are you going to take care of anyone? Easier said than done, I now realize.
https://marshainthemiddle.com/
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Marsha, you have been in my thoughts so much lately. I hope all is going ok. I know it has to be crazy and exhausting. I hope you are getting the help that you need, but I know how hard that is to get!!
I had no one explain to me, at all, what happened with my mom. The social worker was supposed to call and tell me but didn’t. I still don’t know the whole story. I know she had a stroke, she has blood clots, they did a surgery. She is on oxygen? I don’t know why. Maybe the blood clots? This whole thing is a mess. And things were said to me by different people that I could not believe.
We had so much fun at the maple syrup making! It was such a good break for us all. I am hoping to post about it tomorrow. I feel like I can maybe possibly take a breather for a minute.
You too Marsha. I have been going to bed earlier than normal, and taking “dark showers” with the lights off. It is supposed to help reduce the load on your nervous system.
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Thanks, Erin! A dark shower sounds rather nice. I may try that soon. Are you your mom’s medical POA? If so, I’d ask to see someone who can finitely answer your questions because they are all valid. I realize that’s more time out of your day, though. It’s just such a stupid system to navigate these days. I remember when my kids were born, and our hospital was just a community hospital, we had nurses and nurses aides who took care of us. Our doctor was independent and didn’t have x amount of minutes. Now, the system is all about the money and not the patient. I wish you luck.
https://marshainthemiddle.com/
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