Tuesday Morning Coffee Catch Up

On By Erin @ Cracker Crumb LifeIn mom life

Hello everyone! I recently took a short break from here, and from a lot of things actually, for a little self care. The last year was pretty crazy, and I had put off some important things for myself and it sort of reached a head, forcing me to take care of it. I struggle with anxiety, a lot, and the last year I had tried different medications, none of which worked, and I sort of gave up. Unfortunately, my body and mental health still needed something, and therapy only was not working. It reached a point where I was constantly in a state of anxiety or panic; and I finally approached my doctor about trying something different, again. After two weeks of adjusting to this new medicine, I am feeling a bit better. I still have a ways to go, but everyday I see a little more progress in the right direction.

I feel it is important to talk about these things. Mental health gets swept under the rug, or dismissed by others as you should just be able to suck it up and move on, and sometimes that really is not possible and you need help. My husband read this and told me about it when I was feeling bad about having to take medication – “Sometimes you need a crutch to hold you up so you can walk”. And that is so true. I always feel slightly like I have failed when I can’t control my intrusive thoughts or panic, and I have to give myself some more grace.

I have spent the last two weeks doing a lot of thinking. I didn’t do much on Instagram, I didn’t read, I wasn’t blogging. I kept the amount of input to a minimum – and wow, do I consume a lot of other input normally. When did I have time to slow down and think, between all I was taking in and also what I do daily in my home, in terms of care for Wyatt, etc. I really didn’t. So that is one thing I am going to change – taking more time for me. I sometimes get lost in the shuffle. Even with blogging, I hurry through my posts in the morning while Wyatt is eating breakfast, trying to carve out a small bit of time for me. I am doing that right now, but I am trying not to hurry through today. I don’t need to. We homeschool, our schedule is controlled by me and if we start later, we start later. Nothing bad will happen.

The last two weeks, we also spent around the house. The first week of my new meds, I was so tired. Like for two days all I did was sleep. Thank goodness I started on a weekend! Then, the following Monday, Billy’s dad was rushed to the hospital for a stroke. It turned out much better than it could have, and it was a TIA but it was a very scary week as they put out different health issues that kept popping up while he was in the hospital. He is out and doing well now.

So we have been taking it slow.

Playing with all of our little animals, including checking on our new fish, Spot. (We started with two, sadly one did not make it)

We had a few warm sunny days, and by then, I was feeling well enough to get out more with kiddo.

Sunday, we decorated for Valentine’s Day, and Billy made us a wonderful dinner (inspired by one of my favorite movies, Amelie, which I am talking about here on Thursday)

It has been a two weeks of healing and I am hoping to keep this feeling of slowing down and letting go and soaking up more moments.

I hope wherever you are that you are doing well. Take care my friends. Be gentle with yourselves. And thank you to everyone who commented, messaged, and emailed me that you were thinking about me, praying for me, and were checking on me. I appreciated all of your kind words.

19 thoughts on “Tuesday Morning Coffee Catch Up”

  1. 15andmeowing's avatar 15andmeowing

    Glad you are doing well. Thank you for writing about mental health, it is so overlooked. I take an anti-anxiety medicine and don’t see a shame in it, my body just needs it. Glad Billy’s Dad is OK. Great photos.

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    1. That was me last year. I tried a few and then failed them, I couldn’t tolerate them. I tried this one though and after a week of minor annoyances – like being super tired- I am back to normalish. LOL.

      And no. I did that for a year and it was a nightmare. I wish you well with managing yours. I know how that feels and how difficult it is.

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  3. marsha57's avatar marsha57

    Erin, I am so glad you’ve found a med that is working for you. I know how paralyzing anxiety can be. I’ve lived with it for years and have been on medication for several years. It truly has changed my life for the better. It’s hard being mom, teacher, social director, care giver, author, wife, and the gazillion other things we do. I want you to know you have been in my prayers almost every night, and I think you are an amazing young woman with so much wondrous creativity and light in you. Take the time you need when you can…the dishes wait; the schoolwork waits; the blog waits. We will wait for you in your own time.

    https://marshainthemiddle.com/

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    1. Marsha, this is just the nicest comment! Thank you so much. It is SO hard sometimes. I have high hopes that by the end of this month the medicine will be fully stabilized in my system and I will be back to my normalish self. I am already feeling loads better though.

      Thank you for the prayers. I appreciate them. 🙂

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  5. Oh there is the photo of the chicken! It was so pretty.

    You know how happy I am to have you back blogging. One day at a time for sure and what you said about not giving yourself time to think or slow down — you know I’ve been there and am there now for the most part. You’ve told me to lay it down, though, and I have laid a ton down and stepped back but I want to even more this month and into March. Thank you for inspiring that.

    Remember…you’re not less than – you’re human. Sometimes we simply need some extra help to make it through a season.

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  6. Pingback: My Sunday-Monday Post – Still Life, With Cracker Crumbs..

  7. Lots of love to you and well done for looking after yourself. I know how paralysing anxiety can be and how you can have this many plates spinning but one is falling still. I am just going through deleting blog posts I can’t catch up with so I’m glad I saw this one and can pop up to give you a virtual hug x

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  8. I’m so glad to see you back! I’m glad you went back and revisited meds. I got lucky and my first combo worked for me but I know that’s not the case for most. I kind of look at mental health meds like any other medicine. I take medicine for migraines and it helps me function better, people take high blood pressure medicine to keep from having a heart attack. It just is what it is. I hope you continue to take things slow and enjoy the now.

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    1. Thanks Katherine! I am glad I revisited them as well, I feel so much better. It is so hard to have to keep trying to see what works, but this time my doctor gave me one that is better for anxiety rather than depression and I think that was key. And thank you. 🙂

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